It’s been almost 5 months since I was pregnant and it already seems like a century ago. I miss it almost everyday and can’t wait to go through the experience again. During the 41 weeks I was pregnant with Grayson, I gained a total of 40 pounds. Looking back, that’s crazy. It’s said for the average woman to gain between 25-35 pounds and I definitely surpassed those numbers. I started at 134 and in the best shape I’ve ever been in my life and ended at 174. Like I said, crazy.
Of course I was self conscious about it and only 6 things in my closet fit me but I accepted it. Kyle told me everyday that I was beautiful and I was getting complimented on how great I looked by total strangers. I stayed active, walking everyday and going to the gym 4-5 times a week. I knew I was gaining all that weight for the sake of our little boy and I told myself that everyone is different so it’s okay that I gained more than most. When I delivered Grayson I lost about 12 pounds post baby, placenta and fluid but I sat there with an extra 28 pounds that I didn’t know what to do with.
I wasn’t that worried about losing weight right away. I was focused on healing and taking care of our newborn and it was okay that I was carrying around those extra pounds. Luckily breastfeeding helped a lot with shedding some more pounds and I began going back to the gym at 4 weeks when I felt like I was ready. I lost another 22 pounds in about 2 months. I thought to myself, “great! this is easy. I will get back to my old self in no time!” I quickly found that it wasn’t that easy.
I am still 5 pounds away from my pre-pregnancy weight and I am far from being toned like I used to be. I hate comparing my body to what it was but it’s difficult. I used to be able to do 20 push ups easily and now I can barely do 2. I used to be able to do 5 pull ups in a row and now I am afraid to even attempt them. I once squatted 205 and now I can barely squat 95. I’m probably the only person to ever say this but I miss burpees, flipping tires, wall sits and box jumps. I miss feeling the adrenaline of a great work out. I miss leaving an hour class sweating and complaining that I can’t feel my legs. I miss the strength and confidence that I used to have when I looked at myself in the mirror.
I know I am being really hard on myself because hello, I just had a baby. But if I am not hard on myself I will never get to where I want to be. Right now it’s half my fault for not pushing myself in the gym. Yes, I go, but working out on my own is completely un-motivating.
However, I have finally decided it’s time to kick it in gear. I have access to a gym with child sitting so now there is absolutely no excuse on my part not to go, Kyle pushes me on weekends when we can go together and I can go to some of the classes that it offers. (if you’re in the Bel Air area you should check out Retro Fitness if you haven’t already). Also, my wedding is in 9 months so it’s time to tone up.